Nothing to lose,More to gain
by LillylovesCaskett
Summary: Au-Kate has lost everything to drugs,till one day that all changes when she is brought to the home of Richard Castle. A/N: This is the alternate ending for The A Team. Written by me and edited by LadyAshh,chapter four fixed and CHAPTER SEVEN IS NOT A CHAPTER.
1. December

"Rick," Kate's voice shouted back.  
"Yes Kate?" He turned around the face her, concern clear on his face.  
She paused and looked down, twisting her hands together. She took a deep breath and looked back up at him.  
"I lied, I'm sorry",  
He tilted his head and took a small step towards her, "You lied about what?"  
"I don't have anywhere to go, they kicked me out of my apartment. I don't have anybody." She said, her voice breaking, "Everybody has turned their back on me."  
He took another step forward and she instinctively wanted to run, but something was keeping here. She didn't know what it was about this man that made her want to tell the truth, stay put and let him help her.  
"What happened to your home? Your family?" He asked.  
What could it hurt? she thought to herself. She could tell him the truth and he would either help her or scoff at her and walk away. She had nothing to lose and everything to gain, so she decided to be honest.  
She looked over his face, making eye contact with his sky blue eyes, that were filled with concern and it touched her that he would be concerned about her, when he knew next to nothing about her.  
"I wasn't always like this," She said, gesturing to herself, "I used to work for the NYPD."  
"What made you change?" He asked, his voice gentle, carrying no hint of disgust or disapproval, just genuine concern.

"My mom died some time ago and I guess I didn't handle it too well. One night as walking home and I just wanted everything to stop, I just wanted to feel okay for a moment, you know?" She looked at him, searching for some kind of understanding and he gave it to her.  
"As a cop, I knew where some of the drug dealers set up shop. I don't know what came over me but I found one and bought some. It was supposed to be a onetime thing, I figured it couldn't hurt right? But then, I needed it again, everything wasn't so depressing when I took it, so I became hooked on it. I went to work high once and they fired me. They tried to help me of course, but it just didn't work, so they gave up on me, I was addicted, I sold everything to buy some drugs, my apartment, my clothes, everything and now I have nothing and no one left." She finished, looking away, not ready to face the judgement she knew would be clear on his face.  
"Come on," he said finally, holding out his hand.  
She looked up at him surprised.  
"Where?" She asked.  
"You're coming home with me. I have a bed you can sleep on, with a bathroom for a hot shower. I have some old tops you can wear and I have plenty of food. So please Kate, let me help you."  
This was not what she had expected. She had expected him to probably offer to pay her rent, get her some food the most, but not to offer up his home to her. He didn't know her, she was a stranger to him, but yet here he was, offering up his home to her and she'd be lying if she said she didn't want to cry. It had been a while since anyone showed any kind of compassion to her and she didn't quite know what to do with it.  
"You'll help me?" She asked  
"Yes, I can get you clean, get you a job."  
"How?"  
"I'm well connected." He said with a smile and a wink.  
She smiled, okay, maybe this wouldn't be a bad thing. She would have somewhere to sleep, some food, a shower because God knows how long it's been since she's had one of those and then she would try to get clean. She didn't know why, but this man's kindness gave her the overwhelming need to clean herself up and set herself straight.  
"Alright." she said as she followed him.

They got out of the cab in front of his place and she froze, looking up at the big building.  
He noticed that she had stopped walking and called out to her,  
"Come on."  
She shook her head, "They will kick me out."  
"No they won't Kate."  
They walked into the building and into the lift which was full of people staring. She pressed herself into the corner, wrapping her arms self-consciously around her middle as everyone in the elevator stared at her.  
They finally ended up on his floor and he pulled her from the elevator and down the hall to his loft. He searched his pockets for his keys and opened the door, ushering her inside.  
She looked around, it was large and spacious. It didn't look as extravagant as she had for some reason expected it to be, it was instead, roomy and homey and she instantly felt just a little bit better.  
"Hello darling," Martha appeared from the kitchen, glancing over at Kate, a questioning look on her face.  
He nodded to her, pulling her in for a quick hug, "Mother, thank you for babysitting Alexis."  
So she was his mother, she noted as she watched the interaction before her and she so longed for that sort of interaction with her mother or with anyone at all.  
She waved him off "It's no problem dear. Who is this?" She asked, looking curiously at Kate, who was hiding behind him.

"Mother this is Kate, I'm helping her out." He told her, leaving the drug addict part out of it, thank God.  
"Hello darling." Martha smiled  
"Hi," Kate responded shyly from behind Castle.  
"Well I must be on my way, bye darling, bye Kate" Martha said, breezing pass them and through the door, leaving her and Castle alone, standing in the doorway.  
"Is this okay with your wife?" Kate asked, not wanting to intrude on his family  
"I don't have a wife." He said, closing the door and leading her to his living room.  
"But you have a daughter," she noted, confused.  
"Oh no, no Kate you have the wrong idea. Alexis is my niece, I'm looking after her cause my brother is away." He assured her.  
She nodded, "Oh okay."  
He watched her for a moment, before extending his hand to the left, "You can sleep in there." He said, pointing to his room.  
"Where's yours, just case I need something." She asked, looking around.  
He shrugged, "I'll sleep on the lounge."  
"Oh no, I can't take your room, I'll sleep on the lounge." She said, not wanting to put him out of his place in his own home.  
"How about and I know this seems strange, but I mean we could also sleep in the same bed." He suggested.  
She thought about it for a moment. She was okay with sleeping on the lounge chair, it was better than the dingy old mattress she had been sleeping on for the past year anyway, but she could tell there was no arguing with him, she either slept on his bed with or without him, so she nodded.  
"Okay."

"Good." He smiled and led her through his office to his bedroom.  
He quickly found her some clothes and showed her to his bathroom, leaving the room so she could get a shower.  
She stepped inside and quickly stripped off her clothes and tossed them to the side, marvelling in how huge his bathroom was. She stepped into the shower and turned it on, standing underneath the spray of hot water for a good while, letting the heat warm her up and calm her down.  
Eventually, she stepped out and got dressed and exited the bathroom, to find him seated on his bed, waiting for her.  
She asked for a brush and he told her where to find it.  
He watched her bush her hair and couldn't help to notice how beautiful she was. She was dressed in his T-shirt and a pair of sweatpants, her skin had a little colour to it and her face was framed with her wet hair that brushed passed her shoulders.  
She walked out again and he had built a pillow division, so they had even sides on his bed.  
"I built a pillow wall, so it's like we have separate beds." He said grinning at her.  
She couldn't help the little fluttery feeling she felt in her stomach when he smiled and she looked down, her face turning slightly red at the idea that she was going to be sleeping in the same bed with Richard Castle tonight. Never in a million years would she ever dream of something like this happening to her.  
She walked over to his bed and pulled back the covers settling in and he did the same. She sat up slightly, so she could see him over the wall he had built and smiled at him.

Thanks Rick,thanks for everything.

i know in the ladyash vision Alexis is his daughter but I thought i would try something else.


	2. January

When he woke up the next morning, he noticed her waking up as well.  
"Good morning." He smiled.  
She stretched, her hands joining over her head and yawned, "Morning Rick."  
"Would you like something to eat?" He asked her, throwing off the covers and easing out of the bed.  
She considered him for a moment, he had already done so much for her and what she was craving right now wasn't food, but she guessed she should get something in her and try to get her mind off of what she actually wanted, so she agreed.  
"If it's not too much trouble."  
He shook his head, standing up "Are you kidding? Breakfast is my favourite thing to cook."

She nodded, suddenly remembering that they were not alone in his loft.  
"How old is your niece?" She asked curious.  
"She's six, she'll love you. Do you like kids?"  
"I do, but I'm not sure if she would like me."  
"Oh Kate, Alexis is a good kid, she loves everyone unless they give her a reason not to." He assured her as she eased out of his bed, standing awkwardly by his bed.  
"Hey um, I'm going to get started on the breakfast, you can join us, whenever you're ready." He told her, sensing her discomfort, "Do you like pancakes with chocolate and raspberries? I know it sounds gross, but Alexis won't eat anything else for some reason."

She nodded, at this point, who was she to be picky about food?  
"It sounds fine." She told him with a small smile.  
"Bacon?" He asked, turning back to her.  
Now that sounded more like it, "Please."  
He smiled knowingly, "Alright, I'll be in the kitchen if you need anything."  
He left the room, leaving her alone. She looked around the place, taking in his room. It wasn't gigantic, but it was the perfect size, with his office just on the other side. It was a comfortable room that felt like him, it may have been decorated by a personal designer, but it felt like him and not an impersonal place. It made her feel safe.  
She moved over to the window and peered out at the view, she always loved the city covered in snow as a child, but when she was homeless, it was a cold jungle, but now she felt the same way she did as a little girl, warm and safe. Well as safe as she possibly could in the home of a famous author.  
"Kate everything okay?" He called out

She was brought back to the present by his question and noticed how long she had been standing by the window, staring out, feeling just a bit nostalgic.  
"Yeah, yeah I'm fine, I'm coming." She called back.  
She quickly headed into the bathroom, doing what could be done about her appearance. She splashed some water on her face and tried to sort out her hair, that so needed a cut right now.  
She used the bathroom and headed out to meet Rick and his niece. She had to admit, she was feeling a little bit insecure, she didn't know why, it's not like she was dating the man. She just didn't want to be hated, or to be thought of as a bad influence on the young child.  
Walking into the kitchen, Rick was cooking and the little girl she guessed was Alexis was seated on one of the stools by the counter. She turned towards Kate when she heard her coming out.  
"Are you Kate?" She asked curiously, her bright blue eyes glancing over her and back up to her eyes.  
Kate took a seat on the other side of the counter, leaving a space between the girl and herself.  
"Yes I am." She told her, sending a glance Castle's way.  
"Could you do pigtails for me?" The little girl asked, her eyes desperate.  
She just noticed the little girl's hair, red and long, loose around her shoulders.  
"Sure sweetie, do you have a brush?" She asked, feeling less nervous now.  
She always loved children. They were so innocent and bright eyed, always seeing the best in people, it was refreshing.  
She grinned and jumped off of her stool, running up the stairs "I'll go get it!"  
Castle turned to her, after flipping a pancake, rather impressively she might add.  
"Kate you don't have to."  
She shook her head, "It's okay Rick, for all that you're doing for me, it's the least I could do."

Castle stared at her for a moment, his eyes soft and warm and she could feel herself getting lost in the sea of blue when Alexis bound down the stairs.  
"Got the brush!"  
Alexis ran over to Kate, handing her a comb, brush and hair ties. Kate laughed, and sent a wink over to Castle before slipping off of her own stool as Alexis settled back into hers.  
"He tries, but he just can't get it right." Alexis exclaimed, gesturing over to Castle.  
"Hey!" He exclaimed, placing some bacon in a frying pan.  
Kate shook her head, laughing at the interaction between the two. An interaction that reminded herself of her and her parent's relationship.  
She got to work, untangling the curls in the girl's hair and had just began putting them in pigtails when Castle's phone rang.  
"Hello Gina." He answered, moving into the next room.  
"That's not his girlfriend." Alexis informed her.  
She looked down at the girl wondering why she would feel the need to tell her that.  
"Who?"  
"Gina, she wishes she was, but she's not."  
She had to admit to herself that she liked being here. Even though it had been one night, she felt welcomed and safe here in his home, with him, his mother and Alexis.  
She finished the girl's hair, tying the ends carefully with her hair ties.  
"Thank you Kate!" She squealed, hugging her tightly before running back up the stairs.  
At that moment Castle returned and quickly shut off the stove, serving pancakes and bacon on three plates.  
"I'll have to go down to Black Pawn today, work out some book stuff after breakfast. You'll be okay here?" He asked as they settled down at the table and Alexis came to join them, pouring syrup all over her pancakes.  
"Yeah, I guess." She said.  
"It'll only be for a couple hours. Then when I come back, we'll go find you some clothes." He told her.  
"Oh, you don't have to." She said.  
"Kate, I want to." He said, setting down his fork and pleading with her with his eyes.  
"Okay." She gave in, because she really couldn't say no what he was looking at her like that.

So he watched him go, with Alexis and sat around, read a couple books until he returned. True to his word, he took her out and bought her a decent amount of clothes. He stopped to pick up Alexis on their way back to his house and stopped for Italian – the only thing besides chocolate and raspberry pancakes Alexis would eat.  
They ate together and watched a movie, before he took Alexis up to bed and decided that they too would head to bed.  
That night she was asleep, she was haunted by a bad dream.  
Rick noticed she started to squirm and whimper.  
"Kate, Kate." He called to her, shaking her shoulders trying to wake her from whatever bad dream she was having.  
She sat up in bed, breathing heavily, clutching at herself.  
"It's okay Kate, you're okay." He assured her, rubbing her back soothingly.  
"They were stabbing me." She gasped.  
"Who was stabbing you?"  
She took a steadying breath, "My drug dealer." She told him.  
"Did he stab you before?" He asked.  
She nodded, "Yes."  
"When?"  
"When I realised that I was about to lose everything, I tried to stop. One day when I was walking home, he sent people after me and they tried to stab me and then the other night when I tried to buy some and I was a little short on cash." She cried, "What if he comes for you? For Alexis? I can't let that happen! I can't –"She moved to her out of bed, but he stopped her with firm hands.  
"Shh Kate it's alright, I've got you, I won't let him hurt you. Nothing's gonna happen to you, me or Alexis okay? I promise." He comforted her.  
She took another breath, trying to calm her heart rate down, "Sorry for waking you."  
"It's okay. Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?"  
She hesitated, not wanting to ask this of him, but she so desperately needed the comfort, "My mom used to stroke my hair." She told him.  
"I can do that for you, if you'd like."  
"No, it's okay. I'll be fine go back to sleep." She changed her mind.

"I can't go back to sleep when I'm worried." He told her, staring into her eyes with that same look from this morning and she couldn't remember what she was telling him no for.  
"Okay."  
He turned to face her and began gently running his hands through her hair, watching as she closed her eyes and she drifted off to sleep.  
He continued running his hands through her curls, her soft, hazel curls. He watched her as her breath evened out. She was cute when she was asleep, her nose twitched like a little bunny every now and then and she would let out a little snort and change positions.  
He smiled and leaned over her, softly kissing her forehead.  
"Goodnight Kate." He whispered, "Sweet dreams."


	3. February

Alexis was in her room, crossing off her calendar when Kate walked in.  
"Hey Alexis," Kate said, walking into the room bending down next to her.  
"Hey Katie," Kate had told her she could call her Katie. She hadn't been called Katie in two years and that was only ever by her parents.  
She noticed Alexis still crossing off date's off of the calendar.  
"Is it your birthday soon?" She asked her.  
"No."  
"What are you counting down to then?"  
Alexis looked up at Kate, her blue eyes sparkling with innocence, "When daddy comes back." She told her.  
"When is that?" Kate asked.  
She shrugged and turned back to her calendar, "I don't know." She frowned, "Do you know Katie?"  
Kate shook her head and gave her a sympathetic smile, "Sorry Alexis, I don't."  
She could see the look of disappointment on the girl's face, she must really miss her father. Maybe Rick knew, she would ask about it. Alexis wasn't hers, but she surely hated to see her anything but happy.  
"Hey Rick," She said, knocking on his door frame.

He looked up from his laptop, giving her his attention, "Yes Kate?"  
"Are you busy? I just have a quick question." She told him, walking further into the room.  
"What is it?" He asked, his face curious.  
"I know this is not my place but Alexis asked me if I knew when her dad was coming back."  
Rick sighed and rubbed his hand over his face, before looking back up at her.  
She could see how tired he looked, tired and maybe desperate? She couldn't tell. But the lines in his face had deepened and the bags under his eyes more pronounced. How was she only just realizing this now?  
"Shut the door." He told her, pushing away from his desk, moving to stand.  
Kate shut the door behind her and turned to him, waiting for him to speak. Clearly, he knew something and whatever it was, wouldn't be good news.  
"He's not coming back." He told her, moving around his desk and sitting on the edge of it, beckoning for her to come and sit beside him.  
She walked over to him and took a seat, closer than necessary, but far enough, they weren't touching, "What do you mean? What about her mother?"  
Rick inhaled deeply before speaking, "Meredith, her mother, didn't want her."  
She felt her heartbreak for the little girl. She was so perfect and innocent, she didn't deserve such neglect from her parents. "Oh, I'm really sorry Rick."  
"What about your bother?" She asked when he didn't respond.  
"He couldn't do it anymore he told me."  
"What are you going to do?" She asked, resting a hand on his thigh lightly, not wanting to overstep, but she had to offer comfort somehow.  
"I'm taking it a day at a time and figuring it out. My mother was thinking about adopting her and I don't know how to tell Alexis." He told her, his eyes dropping the hand on his thigh.  
"I'll help you." she said softly.  
He turned to her, his eyes meeting her warm hazel eyes, just now noticing how close she really was. He really wanted to push a lock of soft hair behind her ear and lean in and press a kiss to those inviting, soft lips of hers.

"How about we go tell Alexis?" Rick said standing up, her hand sliding off of his thigh.  
You chicken, he thought to himself, she was right there, all you had to do is moving your head closer and kiss her.

He shook his head. He was just helping her, he was not supposed to be having these thoughts. He wasn't supposed to be thinking about how her hair or her skin felt under his hands or how it would feel to press a kiss to her lips. He definitely was not supposed to be thinking of any of that.  
"Katie did you find out when daddy's coming back?" Alexis said with the big smile on her face, when she saw them enter her room.  
Castle sighed, not sure how to break the news to the little girl. He loved her very much, he had always wanted a daughter, but the opportunity never came to him. So he had always treated Alexis like his own whenever she came by. He certainly had the means to take care of her and he wouldn't mind at all, it was just about how she felt about all this. Her father wasn't coming back, her mother didn't want her and he would be happy to take her, unless she wanted to be elsewhere.  
"Alexis we need to talk." He told her, lifting her up and placing her on his knee as he sat on her bed.  
"Okay uncle Castle." she said staring into his face.  
He paused and looked over at Kate. She gave him a small smile and a supportive nod as she leaned against the doorframe watching.

"Alexis - Sweetie your daddy is not coming back." He told her.  
Alexis' face fell and he could see her bottom lip begin to quiver. Her eyes were shining with unshed tears that were now threatening to fall over.  
"Why doesn't he love me?" She asked.  
"Trust me sweetie he does." He told her.  
"Why did he leave then?" She asked, looking between him and Kate for an answer.  
Castle stopped, thinking about what would be the right thing to say to her at this point, "Cause he wants you to have a better life." He finally answered her.  
Alexis was quiet for a moment.  
"Alexis do you have any questions?"  
"Can I go play?" She asked.  
He was surprised. She was taking it this easily?  
"Yes you may." He said.  
Alexis slid off of his lap and went over to her barbies, she sat down and began playing with them as if nothing ever happened.

Beckett decided to go see some of her old friends and workers, Kevin Ryan and Javier Esposito.  
She knocked on the door and Ryan answered.  
"Hey Ryan." she said with a big smile  
He plastered on a smile, "Oh hey Beckett."  
"Can I come in?" She asked.  
Ryan looked over his shoulder quickly, looking unsure, "Uhm, now's not a good time."  
"Oh alright bye." She said dejectedly.  
He slammed the door in face as she walked away.  
They still hadn't forgiven her or wanted anything to do with her. She felt the tears rise up in her eyes, she felt so stupid now, she lost everything to those damn drugs. Her friends, her family, her life. It only made her more determined to get clean and pick herself up and make something of herself. She had something to prove, maybe not to anyone else, but definitely to herself.  
She was walking back to the loft when she heard a familiar voice, pulling her out of her thoughts.

"Yo bitch!" Her dug dealer called out.  
She kept walking, not wanting to be tempted, Lord knows she wouldn't be able to resist and she didn't want to disappoint Rick or even Alexis. She had made a promise to him and to herself and she was going to keep it.  
"Don't you walk away from me!" He ran up behind her and grabbed her hand, "I was talking to you!"  
"Where you been huh? I need my money I got what you usually have." He told her, leaning too close and breathing into her face.  
She could smell the familiar smell of drugs and she could feel her resolve slipping.  
"I'm – I'm clean." She stammered.  
"You know what," He said in disgust, pulling out his knife, "I got no time for you." He said cutting her and pushing her to the ground.  
She fell to the ground in a heap, clutching at her side, trying to breathe through the pain. She slowly rose to her feet, needing to get away from here and hailed a cab. She told the driver the address for the loft and he sped off.  
"Thank you." She said handing over some money.  
When she got up to the loft, she headed straight to the bathroom. She quickly stripped her clothes off and got into the shower, washing away the blood. When she stepped out, she found some antiseptic and a bandage to cover her cut, not wanting him to see it or question her about it.  
When she emerged, she found him in the kitchen cooking dinner and she quietly slipped onto the bar stool.  
"Hey, how'd your visit go?" He asked her without turning around.  
"They weren't home," She said too quickly and Rick gave her a look.  
She slumped her shoulders in defeat, "Okay they were there." She admitted.  
"So what happened?" He asked, giving her his attention.  
She shrugged, trying to remain nonchalant, "He slammed the door in my face."  
"I'm sorry Kate." He frowned, "Then what happened?"

"I walked back."  
"You walked back here? It's like twenty blocks."  
"I needed to clear my head." She shrugged again, "I got to the fourth block and I ran into my dealer."  
She could tell by the look on his face that he was about to ask a bunch of questions, so she quickly told him what happened.  
"I told him I was clean."  
He looked relieved, "Oh, so you didn't -?"  
She shook her head, "No, I told him I was clean and he cut me on my leg."  
He came around the counter immediately, looking her over and this is exactly what she wanted to avoid.  
"Oh my God Kate are you okay?" He asked.  
"Yes I'm fine, I caught a cab back." She told him.  
He looked at her for a moment and she could tell he didn't believe her.  
"Well I'm glad you're okay." He said, going back to the dinner.  
She sighed in relief.  
He always knew when to push and when not to and for that she was grateful.

1h ago


	4. March

"Richard Castle," He said welcoming him with a hug, "please have a seat."  
He sat down in one of the chairs.  
"What can I help you with?" The Mayor asked.  
"It's not for me, it's for my friend." Castle told him.  
"Well what can I help your friend with?" He repeated.  
"A couple of weeks ago, I helped a woman on the side of the street. She was living on the street due to drugs, she lives with now, and I'm helping her get clean and getting her job back."  
He nodded "And that's where I come in." the mayor said.  
Castle nodded, "Yes."  
The Mayor regarded him for a moment, "What's her name and what job did she do?" He asked.

"Her name is Kate Beckett and she worked in the homicide department at the NYPD." Castle told him, feeling hopeful.  
"Ah yes Kate Beckett, the NYPD's finest."  
"Oh, you've heard of her?"  
The mayor nodded, sitting behind his desk "Yes. I heard she got high that's what got her fired."  
Castle nodded, "What does she have to do to get her job back?"  
"She needs to speak to a therapist, get clean and I'll speak to the captain, he's an old friend of mine."  
"Thank you so much, this means a lot. I owe you one!" Castle said as he exited the office.

"Kate," he called, entering the loft.  
He found her sitting on the lounge chair reading.  
"Is that one of my books?" He questioned.  
She looked over and smiled sheepishly, "Yea, I'm behind on Derrick storm, I missed the last two."  
"It's alright you can read any of the books in my study." He told her, walking over to sit beside her.  
"Thanks." She smiled.  
"So you like to read and you're a fan." He noted.  
"Yea. I sold all your books for drugs but –"  
"Why don't you keep them, all of them?" He suggested.  
She turned to him, her eyes wide in excitement, "Can I really?"  
He laughed, "Yeah, they are there to read and not to collect dust on the bookshelf."  
"Thank you Rick." She exclaimed, throwing her arms around him, hugging him tightly, before pulling back.  
"Sorry, I'm sorry." She sputtered, her face turning red.  
He smiled, thinking about how cute she looked right now, but before he could get lost in his thoughts, he reminded himself he had news for her.  
"It's alright." He said, "I actually have some good news."  
"Better than this?" She grinned.  
He nodded. "Yes."

She raised her eyebrows, silently motioning for him to go on.  
"I talked to the mayor today." He started.  
She sat up, eyes searching his face, "And what did he say?"  
He beamed at her, "You can get your job back."  
"Seriously? What do I have to do?"  
"You have to go to a therapist." He told her.  
Her face fell, "But I have no money."  
He shook his head, placing his hand lightly on her shoulder, "I'll cover it."  
"Rick i promise-"  
"No Kate, don't you dare pay me back." He told her.  
"But I have to…"  
"No you don't." He said firmly, silencing her next protest.  
She nodded slowly, "Okay what else?"  
"You have to get clean, you are already half way there." He continued and he could see the tears forming in her eyes.  
"Thank you so much." she breathed, wrapping her arms around him again, hugging him tightly.

As happy as he was for her, he remembered their deal, as soon as she got back on her feet she would move out, he would lose her. Rick had never loved anyone more, these past couple of months with her had made him realize how beautiful she was, inside and outside. He had fallen in love with her somewhere along the line, he didn't know when, he just knew he did and he really wanted to tell her, to do something about it, but now wasn't the time, she wasn't ready and he was pretty sure she didn't feel to same, so he kept quiet. But during her stay here, she had made him the happiest man.


	5. April

Hey Kate." Castle called striding into the room

"Yeah?" She said, looking up from her magazine.  
He paused, clearly thinking about something. His eyes found hers and he looked … nervous?  
"As a celebration for you getting clean ... Would you – Would you have dinner with me?" He asked.  
A smile slowly spread across her face. Was he really asking her out? She had been dreaming of this for majority of her time here, but she never figured he would ever go for someone like her and yet, here they are. She just wanted to scream yes and jumped into his arms, but wait –  
"I would love to Rick, but I don't have anything nice to wear." She said, trying to keep the disappointment out of her voice.  
"I can help you with that." He said, sounding determined and obviously happy. He reached into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet, pulling out his credit card.  
"Really?" She gasped.  
He nodded, a big grin on his face, "Yeah, pick out anything you want." He told her.  
Kate nodded and ran to him, hugging him tightly before dashing up the stairs, leaving him staring after her with love in his eyes.  
"Alexis." Kate called out as she knocked on the door.  
"Come in." Alexis voice responded.  
Kate pushed open the door and walked into the room.  
"Hey Alexis can I ask you something?" She asked, sitting on the edge of her bed.  
Alexis sat up, her red hair falling wildly around her shoulders, "Sure."  
"Do you want to go shopping with me tomorrow?" She asked.  
Alexis' face lit up instantly, "Me? You want to take me shopping?"  
Kate shrugged, "Well I kinda have no friends to shop with."  
"Yes!yes!yes!yes!" She exclaimed, jumping on the bed and then jumping on Kate.  
Kate laughed as Alexis peppered her face with kisses, "Alright, time for bed kiddo." She said when the laughter died down.  
"Alright Katie." Alexis obeyed, settling back in her bed, letting Kate pull the covers over her small body.

Neither girl knew that Rick was outside, listening though the door.  
"Goodnight Katie, I love you." Alexis whispered, her eyes closed.  
Kate froze, she wasn't sure what to say, "I love you too Alexis."  
The next morning, true to her promise, she and Alexis, accompanied by Castle's credit card went to the mall, checking out store after store for the perfect dress.  
In one hand she had a couple of dresses in the other she was holding Alexis' hand. Kate hung up the dresses on the hanger in the changing room, lifting Alexis up on the chair outside the dressing rooms.  
"Alright Alexis, I need you to stay right here and don't talk to anyone okay?" She told her.

Alexis nodded, "Okay Katie."  
"You have been such a good girl and so helpful after this we can get some ice cream." She told her  
Alexis beamed, "Yay!"  
Minutes after, Kate walked out in a knee length white dress with a bow at the back, standing in front of a body length mirror, turning this way and that.  
"You look like a princess." Alexis said out loud.  
A customer walked over to her, "I agree with the little girl you look beautiful."  
Kate blushed at all the attention, "Thank you." She smiled at the stranger.  
"You're welcome dear." The lady said, before she walked away, continuing with her own shopping.

"You think this is the right dress Alexis?" She asked, looking over herself, suddenly feeling nervous.  
"Yes, Uncle Castle will love it." She told her, sounding so sure of herself.  
Kate smiled and giggled, she can't remember the last time she had ever felt so happy in her life and it was all due to this one man who bothered to spend any time on her.  
"Come here you little cutie." She said picking her up and hugging her.  
That night, Alexis sat on the counter of the guest bathroom, while Kate got ready.  
"Why do you put that on?" Alexis asked as Kate put her new make up on.  
"Cause I need to look pretty for your uncle." She told her as she applied her mascara.  
Alexis tilted her head, looking confused, "But he already thinks you're pretty and so do I." She told her.

Kate looked at the little girl in the mirror. She felt such a strong connection to this little girl, she was so innocent, truthful and full of life. "Thanks Alexis." She smiled.  
"I wish I looked like you." Alexis said, so softly she almost missed it.  
"Why?" She asked, aware that Alexis still had no clue on her back story.  
She shrugged, looking down to her hands, "Because you're so pretty and I'm not."  
Kate set aside her make up and moved in front of the girl, hooking her finger under her chin, making her look up at her.

"Yes you are Alexis and don't let anyone else tell you that you're not, all girls are beautiful okay?" She said, willing the girl to understand the words that she was speaking to her. She was far too young to be getting insecure about her appearance and she shouldn't be, she was a beautiful girl.  
"Thanks Katie." Alexis spoke shyly.

Kate finished applying her make-up and quickly checked herself over in the mirror, getting a thumbs up of approval from Alexis. She made her way downstairs, ready for her date.

Her heart was racing her chest, she can't remember the last time she felt this nervous.  
"I'm ready." She said opening the bedroom door.  
Castle turned to her, freezing as he looked her over. She looked so different, so beautiful. She looked nothing like the girl he saw on the street with dirty brown hair and hollow eyes. Her skin was flushed and tanned, her hair framed her face in loose curls and her make-up wasn't too much, it was just right.

When he finally regained the ability to speak, he looked up to her eyes and saw her blushing. His fingers twitched with the need to reach out and touch her, to smooth his hand over the sharp edges of her jaw and tenderly kiss those rosy lips.

"Shall we?" He offered out his hand to her and she took it as he led her out of the loft.  
He took her to a fancy restaurant, one she didn't know existed. It wasn't too over the top and was rather simple, the colours and food making the night just right. They spent the night sharing stories, finger's and legs brushing against each other, increasing the sexual tension between the both of them.

An hour later, it was clear in both of their eyes how the rest of this night was going to go, Castle quickly paid the bill and drove them back to his loft.  
Half an hour later they bust through the door lips fused together. Her hands were tangled in his hair as he moaned against her lips. He kicked the door shut behind him and turned her, pressing her up against it.

He trailed kisses down her throat, making her head fall back and a soft moan tumble from her lips. He latched on to a sensitive spot on her neck and sucked hard, leaving his mark on her. She drew her nails down his back, cursing at the clothes that were still in the way.

She felt his hands slip around to her bag, dragging the zipper of her dress down slowly, dragging the dress off of her, dropping it in a heap around her legs and she quickly stepped out, kicking it elsewhere.  
She found his lips with hers and plunged deep into his mouth, all her days and weeks of longing for this, she finally got to taste him, feel him pressed up against her, swallow the moan that she was causing and she needed more, it was driving her crazy. She roughly dragged his jacket off of his shoulders and ripped open his shirt, her fingers trailing over his chest, savouring the feel of him.

He groaned when she ducked her head, kissing his chest in a hot frenzy. Her mouth felt so good against him, so warm, so hot and he could think straight.  
He hooked his hands under her thighs, lifting her up so she could wrap her legs around his waist. He pressed her against the wall, toying with the clasp of her bra. She broke away from him, gasping for air.  
"Castle." She breathed.

He continued kissing her, unhooking her bra and sliding it down her shoulders, "Mmm?" He mumbled against her skin, causing a delicious vibration that almost made her forget what she was even going to say.

"Castle, bed." She rasped, digging her nails into his shoulder, squirming to get more friction.  
He lifted her off of the door and turned, walking her slowly to his room, all the while, his lips never left hers. He deposited her on his bed and quickly resumed their activities. For the rest of the night, no one spoke, the only sound was their heavy breathing and slapping of skin as they formed a new kind of bond.


	6. April (2)

This is set after c5.

The next morning Kate woke up tangled up in the limbs of was Richard Castle. She held still for a while, holding her breath, wondering if this was actually real or if she was dreaming, it wouldn't be the first anyways. She turned herself in his arms and looked to see him staring down at her, a smile instantly flashing across his face.

"Good morning." He smiled, reaching up and twisting his fingers in his hair.

"Morning." She said quietly, cupping his cheeks, giving him a good morning kiss.

She leaned back, reach for his hand, lacing their fingers together and rested their joined hands on Castles' bare chest.

"How do we handle this with Alexis around and everything?" She asked, suddenly wondering what this big step they just took would mean for them and for Alexis.

He looked upwards, contemplating on what to tell her, then his eyes found hers again "For a little, just in front of Alexis we act like our normal selves." He told her.

She nodded, she could live with that, for now. "Okay."

"Cause I have seen how much she loves you and I don't want her to get hurt." He continued, looking at her with those serious eyes.

"Deal."

They spent another few moment in bed, wrapped up around each other, stealing glances and kisses, enjoying their morning after, allowing themselves to come to terms with what this step meant. They eventually got dressed and headed out into the living room, in case anyone came looking.

Alexis was sitting on a stool in the kitchen, her little legs swinging back and forth and she coloured, she looked up when she saw them approaching.

"Morning Alexis." They said at the same time, smiling at each other when they did.

Alexis beamed, "Morning Uncle Castle, morning Katie."

Kate sat on the stool beside Alexis, while Rick got the indigents for eggs and bacon out of the fridge. She turned to see what Alexis was colouring, smiling when she saw the perfect, in the lines colouring of a bunny.

Alexis looked up at her, offering her a crayon, "Here Katie, do you want to colour in the puppy?" Alexis ask, angling her book so that Kate could join.

Kate smiled, ruffling the girl's hair before taking the offered crayon, "Sure Lex."

Kate and Alexis spent the time colouring carefully, while Castle prepared their meals and served them where they were. They ate and laughed with each other, discussing their plans for the day.

Due to Kate being busy going to therapy and Rick been busy with chapters, they decided to take some time out and go to the park with Alexis.

Although she wouldn't say it, Kate was nervous about going to the park. Even though it wasn't her drug dealer's neighbourhood, she was still scared that he would show up and harm her, Rick or Alexis.

Naturally, Castle sensed something was wrong, by the way she tensed when she got out of the cab, her eyes frantically darting from every corner to the next. He pulled her close and whispered into her ear.

"Stop worrying Kate, everything's going to be okay. No one's going to hurt us." He assured her, leaning in to kiss her on her cheek, forgetting Alexis who was staring up at them in that moment.

"Did you just kiss Katie?" Alexis ask curiously, making them both jump.

Kate quickly racked her brain for some excuse, "I couldn't hear what Uncle Castle was saying so I had to move closer." She told her, hoping Alexis wouldn't read too much into the rushed way she said that, or the way her cheeks were rapidly turning red or the way her heart was racing in her chest because Castle had his hand still on her back and oh, Alexis was speaking.

"Okay," She shrugged, "can some push me on the swings?"

Kate sighed a deep sigh of relief, "I'll do it."

"Thanks Katie," she said running towards the swing.

Kate looked back at Castle who was looking at her with those love eyes again and she felt her heart rate speed right back up and the flush in her face come up again. She reached out and grabbed him by the hand, pulling over to where Alexis was waiting, trying to ignore the spark formed by their connection.

"Come on."

That night they made homemade pizzas, from a stranger's point of view they would have looked like a family a prefect happy little family.

Alexis had sat in between them while watching the movie, but as soon as she went to bed, they cuddled up on the lounge, enjoying the feel of being wrapped up in each other's embrace after a long day of pretending they weren't sleeping together now.

Sleeping together.

She was sleeping with Richard Castle. Never in a million years would she have thought this would ever happen.

They didn't see Alexis peeking through the door watching them. Kate looked up at him, her smile bright on her face, eyes shining with love and happiness. She cupped his cheeks and pressed her lips to his for a long moment, before moving back and resting her head against his forehead, closing her eyes and breathing him in. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her against him, kissing her again collapsing in laughter, pulling her down with him.

Alexis couldn't help the huge grin that almost split her face in two

"Yes." She said to herself in a whisper, closing the door quietly behind her.

She jumped into her bed with a smile on her face as she fell asleep, letting her dreams take over.

From the moment she had seen Kate, she had thought of her as a mom and that's all she wanted, a mother. She had felt a bit deflated earlier when all the kids in the park were talking about their mother's and she couldn't join in, because she didn't have one and that's all she wanted, a mother.


	7. NOT A CHAPTER

One reviewer said that it was stupid making Alexis his niece was stupid but it's coming up why Alexis is his niece and I'm finishing the other stories soon my beta has been busy,me and lady ash are only doing this one story,my beta and I have talked about it,they are fine with it.


	8. May

"Mommy, mommy." Alexis called from her bedroom.  
Kate woke up to the sound of Alexis crying out 'mommy'. She threw off the sheets and made her way up the stairs to her. Rick was on his first book tour and had left her in Kate and Martha's care, but Martha had gone out tonight, leaving Kate to tuck her in and evidently comfort her from whatever might have her calling out for her mother.  
She pushed open Alexis' door to find her wrapped up in her blankets, moving around as if she was having a bad dream.  
"Shh Lexi, it's alright," she said sitting in front of her on her bed, running her hands over her back trying to wake her.

"Shh Alexis." She said again when Alexis continued to whimper.  
"Mommy." Alexis said softly, sitting up and wrapping her arms around Kate's neck.  
"It's alright." Kate said running a hand through her hair as Alexis held on to her tightly.  
Alexis wrapped her legs around Kate's waist, as Kate walked down the stairs.  
She walked Alexis back to Rick's room and put Alexis down on Rick's side, rounding the bed and climbing back onto her side.

She rolled over on her side to face Alexis who was watching her with tears in her eyes and a sad expression on her face. She reached out and brushed the girl's hair from her eyes, waiting for Alexis to speak, if she wanted to, but content to stay here and just offer comfort.  
"Katie." She spoke after a while.  
"Yes." She responded, pulling her closer to her.  
"Can I call you mommy?" She asked timidly.  
The question took Kate by surprise. She and Castle had been together for a little while now and she had gotten closer to his niece day by day, but she would never expect this request from Alexis.  
"I don't know Alexis." She said finally.

"Please?" Alexis pleaded, holding tightly to Kate, "I don't have a mommy, all the kids talk about having mommies and I wanted to have a mommy to talk about too." She told her, her voice breaking.  
She felt it for the girl, she knew what it was like to have no mother, but she couldn't imagine how it would feel not having one so young and worse, knowing she was alive, but just didn't want you.  
"I'll talk to Uncle Castle tomorrow okay?" She told her, "But just for tonight you can."  
Alexis nodded, sniffling and resting her head against Kate's chest.  
"Okay." She said.

Kate held her, running her fingers through Alexis' hair as she drifted off to sleep. She would have to call him right away.  
"Hey babe," Kate said when he answered.  
"Hey, honey." He responded.  
"Can we talk about something?" She asked, feeling nervous for some reason, that he might not be too keen on this idea.  
"Sure Kate what's wrong?" He asked, sounding worried.  
"Nothing bad," She assured him, "Just, Alexis had a nightmare and when I carried her back to our bed, she asked if she could call me mommy. I love her but what if her mom comes back and hears that?"  
She could hear him sigh in relief on the other line "Trust me Kate, Meredith's not coming back, her dad's not coming back." He said, almost bitterly.  
"So let her?" She asked, waiting for his approval, after all, she didn't even call him 'daddy' and yet she wanted to call her 'mommy', surely he would feel weird about this.  
"Yeah what could it hurt?" He answered, not sounding like he found any problem with it at all.  
She nodded, "Okay bye babe, I love you." She told him, aware that he probably had a signing to go to.  
"Love you too, stay safe." He said softly.  
"You too."

"Alexis do you want to go to Starbucks for breakfast?" She called out from the study, when she hung up the phone.  
"Yes!" Alexis squealed, running in and jumping into Kate's arms, her emotional night clearly forgotten for now.  
"What can I get for you?" The barista asked, a smile on her face as she looked at Alexis in Kate's arms.  
"I'll take two small hot chocolates and four Chocolate Croissants." She told the girl, paying her with the money Castle left to take care of themselves.

When they got their drinks, she placed Alexis on her feet and handed the croissants to her, taking the hot chocolate and leading her over to a table by the window. They shared the croissants between themselves and Kate placed the cup of hot chocolate in front of Alexis.  
"Remember Lex it's hot so don't forget to blow on it okay?" She reminded Alexis, who was reaching for her cup.  
"Okay," She nodded, "Did you ask Uncle Castle?" She asked.  
Kate nodded, "I did sweetie."

"What did he say?" She asked, sitting forward, staring at Kate with hopeful eyes.  
"You can call me mommy." Kate smiled.  
"Really?" She exclaimed, a bright smile finding its way to her face.  
Kate nodded, laughing at the girl's excitement, "Really."  
Alexis jumped off of her chair and ran around the table, hugging Kate tightly. Kate returned the hug, squeezing her tightly, placing a kiss in her hair before letting her go.  
Alexis beamed up at her, "Thank you mommy."


	9. June

"What do you two want?" Martha asked, her welcoming smile falling from her face as soon as she saw her youngest son and his ex-wife standing in her doorway.  
"Mom, Meredith and I need talk to you."  
She pursed her lips and folded her arms, looking them over in disapproval. "Quickly, I have a lot of things to do."  
"So where is our – "Meredith paused and looked at her ex, "Danny what was its name again?"  
"Alexis."  
"Oh right where is she?" Meredith asked, smiling at Martha.  
"Alexis lives with her uncle and his girlfriend Kate, lovely girl. Please get to the point of why you two are here." She looked to Danny, not wanting to look in Meredith's direction.  
"Mom, Meredith and I have decided that we want to try having a family again." He told her.  
Martha stared after him, remaining silent for a while "You want Alexis?"  
They nodded, "Yes."

Martha shook her head, stepping aside and pushing up her door, "Well go talk to your older brother, but he won't be happy." She told him before closing the door in their faces.  
Alexis was cuddled up in Kate's lap when there was a knock at the door. Kate went to answer it and when she did, Meredith busted in nearly knocking Kate over.  
"Alexis baby!" Meredith greeted, holding out her arms.  
Alexis jumped away and ran behind Kate's legs.  
Meredith dropped her hands and looked confused, "What's wrong? Don't you remember me?"  
Alexis shook her head, "No." She said, sounding scared.  
Meredith smiled again, a smile that was making Kate sick to her stomach, "I'm your mom baby."  
She shook her head again and Kate reached down to place a comforting hand on top of Alexis' head, "No, Kate is my mama."

Meredith's smile fell as she glanced up to said 'Kate' and back down at her child, "No baby, I'm your mom. You're coming to live with me with and daddy."  
"No." Alexis said again as Castle walked through the door, taking in the scene before him.  
He looked to Kate who looked worried, to Meredith who looked sly and mischievous and to Alexis who looked terrified. "Meredith what do you want?"  
Meredith stood, glaring over to him, "My baby back." She said simply.  
"Now you want her," He commented, coming over to stand between her and Kate and Alexis.  
She folded her arms, "Yes, you have no right to keep me from my daughter."  
"Why do you want her now?" He asked.  
"Your brother and I have decided to try the whole family thing again." She told him.  
"Fine." He said, as Alexis and Kate looked over at him in surprise, "Take her, it's only a matter of time before she is left at my doorstep for the second time."  
"What's that supposed to mean?" She asked, her voice defensive.  
"Meredith you're the most selfish person I know, there is no way you could be a wife or a mother." He said harshly.

"People can change." Meredith said raising her voice, walking towards him.  
"People like you don't.", his voice rising as he jabbed a finger in her direction.  
All this time Alexis and Kate had been watching the exchange between the two of them. She could feel Alexis trembling and the tears that flowed from her.  
"Stop." Alexis said weakly, still behind Kate's legs, "Stop shouting!"  
He turned to them, stooping down in front of Alexis, "Maybe you should go upstairs Alexis." He said to her.  
Alexis ran from Kate up the stairs and locked herself in her room.  
Kate stared after her, feeling it for the little girl. This shouldn't be happening to her, she was so young, and innocent. She deserved to be around people who loved her and not people who wanted her for their own potential benefit. It was those types of persons she hated the most.  
"Maybe we could sit down and talk about this." Kate spoke up, desperate to get the situation in some order and hopefully reach an agreement.

Meredith sat on one chair, Kate and Rick sat on the other. Kate laced her hand with Rick's, trying to offer him some support to continue this in a way that was civil, he squeezed her hand and offered her a small smile before sighing and turning to Meredith.

"So where is the idiot since you two are so in love and getting back together again?" He asked, looking around.  
Meredith rolled her eyes, "Do you always have to be a jerk?"  
"I'm not the jerk. I felt sorry for my brother when you left him and Alexis. Then he turned into the j*** when he left Alexis on my doorstep telling me he had to go out of the country for work only to get a call a couple of days later that he had run out."  
"Rick stop fighting, Alexis is our daughter we have a right and plus I'm sure Alexis will want to meet her new brother or sister." Meredith said with the raise of an eyebrow.  
"Meredith are you -?"  
She nodded, "3 months."

He leaned back on the chair, sighing deeply, "Oh great so I'm going to have two children left on my doorstep."  
"You're such an a***, let me take my daughter!" She yelled after him.  
"I have an idea," Kate spoke up, "Why don't we figure something out here?"  
Meredith turned her head slowly in her direction, "Like?" Meredith questioned.  
Kate ignored the obvious look of distaste Meredith was throwing her way, "Maybe Alexis can go in between places, like custody." She suggesting.

Meredith shook her head and stood, "No, no custody and plus we are moving, Danny's job involves a lot of traveling."  
Rick stood as well, as did Kate, watching as Meredith made her way to the stairs.  
"Meredith that's no life for a child." Rick called to her, anger clear in his voice.  
"It's my child Richard not yours, now if you excuse me I'm leaving and I am taking my daughter with me."


	10. July

**Hey guys,so I know heaps of you are pissed about the season six final but I have a theory to why Andrew did it,but I won't bore you with it here so PM and I'm also taking prompts on my one shot story-Always-so PM me your prompt and If you want to hear my theory about the final PM me,I'm also updating lift of horrors soon cause I'm finishing my other story moving on soon and keep an eye out cause I have a new AU story coming** **out soon. **

Kate, or as she was now known as Beckett, had a spring in her step as she walked to the crime scene, she was back.  
"Hey gu-",  
"Don't you mind? I'm talking." Lanie cut her off harshly.  
She closed her mouth, "Sorry."  
Lanie rolled her eyes and turned her attention back to the victim in front of them, "Anyway as I was saying, he has a GSW to his head and multiple shots in his back."  
Lanie finished explaining what had happened to the victim and without speaking or even glancing in her direction, they all went off on their various missions. She sighed and decided to go back to the precinct since her help clearly wasn't needed here.  
"Doesn't this feel like old times? The gang back together again?" Kate called out from her desk.  
Ryan turned to her, "I guess." Ryan shrugged, turning back to his work. Espo remained quiet.  
The tension in the air was thick and she just wanted to get rid of it, she just wanted everything to go back to how it was before. She wanted her friends back, her family back and she knew she would have to work for their trust and respect again, and she was willing to, but she couldn't if they wouldn't even give her the chance.

"Come on guys I'm sorry, I'm sorry for letting my team, my brothers and my family down but I have my life back on track, can't we just be a family again?" She pleaded.  
Esposito turned this time, a look of disbelief and anger on his face, "Is that what you expected? To just walk back in here and forget about that day?" He spat, "you're a disgrace to the NYPD." He finished, glaring at her.  
His words hurt, she knew she had let them down, but she didn't know they were this angry. This was going to be a lot harder than she thought, "I was going through a rough time Espo, my mother was murdered – "  
"So taking drugs was the answer?" He rolled his eyes.  
She looks down, avoiding Esposito's harsh glare, "I don't know why I did it Espo, I wasn't taking." She said quietly.

"Damn right you weren't thinking! Now go home, I can't stand the sight of you." He turned away from her, letting the painful silence fall over them.  
She looked to Ryan who was pretending to focus on his work and back to Esposito. They were her brothers once, willing to take a bullet for her, kill for her and vice versa, but now here they were. Complete strangers, like everyone else, not willing to give her the chance, cutting her out of their lives before she caused more damage to herself or to them. She understood it, but she hated it. She made a mistake, a stupid mistake of thinking drugs could help and an even stupider mistake to think she wouldn't get addicted. But she had, she lost herself, lost everything and now she wondered, would she ever get it back?  
At least she had Rick, who was always there for her, helping her through this. Whether he understood or not, he was willing to give the chance and attention no one else would and for that she was incredibly appreciative, he had no idea.

She felt tears building up in her eyes as she glanced over at both of them, who were still ignoring her. She glanced around the precinct, feeling ashamed and embarrassed as a few other detectives who were obviously eavesdropping, pretended they weren't.  
"Ryan?" She said quietly. She knew Ryan was the softer of the two and was usually more understanding the Espo, maybe if she could get through to him…  
Ryan didn't look up, he just stared at his desk and shook his head, "No he's right you brought this on yourself." He told her.  
And he was right.  
ooooo

"Hey Lanie." She greeted as she pushed through the steel doors of the morgue.  
Lanie looked up at her, the disgust plain on her face, "What do you want?"  
She took a deep breath, with Lanie it was always best to just get to the point. "Forgiveness."  
Lanie scoffed and turned to face Kate, placing her hands on her hips "What do you think it's just going to happen overnight?"  
"Please Lanie you're my friend, you're like my sister. What do I have to do?" She was near tears now. Lanie was her best friend and she couldn't do this without her best friend, she needed Lanie to forgive her.  
"I want to forgive you but I don't know who I'm forgiving."  
"What does that mean Lanie?"  
"Am I forgiving the drug addict Kate? Or the normal bad a** Kate, we all love – loved?"  
"I'm not into drugs anymore I'm clean!" She tried to convince Lanie who looked like she had her mind made up.

"I'll think about it. Now I have to go home, so excuse me." Lanie packed up her stuffed and brushed past Kate and left her standing in the empty morgue alone.  
She just wanted everybody back and with the way things were going so far, she could only imagine how her next visit would go. She just wanted to go home now, back to Alexis and Castle, where she felt loved and welcomed, but she felt she needed to do this, she couldn't put it off anymore.  
That night she tired her dad's. She knocked on the door and her little sister Bethany answered the door.  
"Bethany look how big you are now, you're so beautiful. Well aren't you going to hug your big sister? I missed you kiddo." She greeted, opening her arms for a hug.  
Bethany stayed where she was, glaring up at her sister

, "You promised me you wouldn't leave."  
Kate felt the tears prickling her eyes, "I was forced, I'm sorry but I'm clean now." She promised.  
"Bethany who - " She heard her father's voice before she saw him descending the stairs.  
"Hi daddy." Kate said with a big smile.  
Her father gently pushed Bethany from the door, "Go to your room Bethany." He told her.  
She spared one last glance to Kate before turning away, "Okay."  
Jim waited until she went up the stairs before he stepped outside and closed the door behind him, clearly not inviting her in, "What?"

Kate tried to ignore the cold tone of his voice, "I want back in to the family."  
"So you just knock on the door and say you want back in and I'm supposed to say oh yeah sure?" He asked.  
She shrugged, "Please? I'm clean now, I swear. I'm sorry for everything I put you through and if there's anything I can do I'll do it, just please?" She pleaded, desperate for somebody, anybody to just take her back.  
He shook his head, "No. A powerful lawyer with a drug addicted daughter? What would they say?"  
"I thought you didn't care what people said." She said quietly, preparing herself for him to inevitably slam the door in her face like everyone else had basically done to her.  
"Welcome to the real world Kate, you played your hand in life and in return it's given you bad cards. You were a smart kid on the right track, but then you threw away what you had worked hard for. You made me, your entire family look bad. Your dead mother, God bless her soul, your sister, your co-workers, the entire NYPD look bad."

She knew all of this already, this isn't what she came here for. She didn't need to hear this and if this is all she was going to hear then maybe it was a mistake.  
"Okay I'll go." She said quietly, turning away.  
"Goodbye."


	11. August

"We're letting you go."  
"What? Gina what are talking about?" He asked confused.  
They had called him in for an emergency meeting, told him it was to discuss business for his next book and they drop this bombshell on him?  
"I'm sorry, but you're not bringing in any money, books aren't selling, you had the perfect image but-"  
"But what?" He cut her off, suddenly feeling angry.  
She shrugged, "Nobody wants to buy books from a handsome author who has a girlfriend." She said simply.  
He stared at her, gaping, "So you're saying dump Kate?"  
"No not dump just - just have an open relationship." She suggested.  
Yea, as if that was ever going to happen.  
"Why would I need to do that?" He asked, annoyed at the way she was suggesting this, as if it was something simple and easy to do.  
She sat down and sighed, "If there's one thing women love, it's a playboy."  
He narrowed his eyes, not liking what she was saying to him one bit, "So you're saying -?"  
She reached out and placed her hands over his on the table, "What I'm saying is that you need to be a playboy again, it's the only way or lose your job."  
He shook his head and pulled his hands out from hers, "But I love Kate and I don't want to hurt her by bringing women home into our bed and having sex with them or being me with bimbo on page six."  
She leaned back in her chair, sighing in exasperation, "Alright Rick, you've made your choice, now pack up."

"I feel like a dog right now having to pee on a stick." She thought to herself as she pulled out the pregnancy test.  
She was two weeks late and the realization had her panicking and catching a cab to the nearest pharmacy to buy every single pregnancy test she could find.  
She came home and locked herself in the bathroom and proceeded to take the tests as they had instructed.  
"Ew this is so gross."  
"Kate pull it together," she said to herself in the mirror, "you can do this ,it's a natural part of life."  
The timer buzzed telling her the waiting time was up, her heart was racing in her chest as she picked up the stick with shaky hands.  
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, preparing for whichever result would appear when she opened her eyes.  
"OH MY GOD!" She yelled, "It's positive I'm going to be a mom." She began tear up as she brought her other hand to cover her mouth.

Kate decided to go see a doctor, with her being on drugs for about a year, she had to be sure she was actually pregnant, how far along she was and if the drugs had affect her baby.  
A half hour later, she was seating in a chair in her doctor's office. She twisted her hands nervously in her lap, waiting for the doctor to return with her test results.  
In this time, she had nothing to do but worry. She worried about her baby and even more worried about what Castle would think, how would he react?  
Oh God, did he even want a child?  
Before she could go into full blown panic mode, the doctor entered the room with a smile on her face.  
"Your baby seems healthy, there's nothing to worry about."  
"I was on drug for a year." She admitted.  
She nodded, "Oh I see, how long has it been since you did drugs?"  
"January."  
"Well there's nothing here that indicates any trouble." She said, checking Kate's results again, "Maybe just keep an eye on your pregnancy, and come in right away if anything happens big or small."  
Kate smiled, feeling at least one of her worries eased, "Okay thanks."  
The doctor shook her hand, "You're welcome."

When Rick came home, he slammed the door and sat down on the lounge, running his hands over his face and through his hair. She walked out to the lounge room and sat down beside him, he looked over at her and took her hand in his lacing her fingers with his.  
Why was he acting so weird?  
She brushed her thumb over his hand, "Rick did something happen?"  
"They let me go." He sighed and dropped his head into his free hand.  
"Why?"

He laughed dryly, "Nobody wants to buy books from a handsome guy who has a girlfriend." He told her bitterly.  
"Oh no, I'm sorry." She said, feeling like this was all her fault.  
He raised his head and looked at her, "What are you saying sorry for?"  
He took her hand from his and wrapped her arms around herself, feeling the need to make herself small and disappear, "If you hadn't met me, you wouldn't have been fired. I made you lose your dream."  
He reached out to her, taking her hand in his again, waiting until she was looking at him before speaking, "Writing isn't my dream, you are my dream."  
She stared at him, feeling overwhelmed, the need to cry rising within her. That could either be because of what he was saying to her and the words he was saying or maybe it was the pregnancy hormones and oh God, he just lost his job, she couldn't tell him he was pregnant now.  
"How?"  
He gave her a small, but sincere smile, "You're my dream woman, the woman I want to marry one day, the woman I want to have babies with, the woman I can give the finest and the best things to, because you deserve them. One day I want to marry you and have kids with you, but with money and publishers rejecting me, I don't think we could raise a family right now."  
Well now she definitely couldn't tell him.  
She paused for a second, decided what would be the best way to go about this, "In your dreams how many kids do you want to have?"  
Without hesitating he answered, "Three, but I don't even know if we could afford one right now."  
She smiled, cupping his cheek with her hand, "Rick I don't need the finest things in life, I just need you." she told him, "Rick you make me so happy and safe, I just need and want you." She said rubbing her thumb over his cheek.  
He leaned against her hand, "And you will always have me," He said leaning forward, kissing her temple, "I love you Kate, I love you so much." He whispered in her ear.

Kate lay awake that night thinking to herself, "What should I do? I want this baby, I really do but it's not the best timing is it? Of course it's not. I'm not having an abortion God no, I solve murders for a living then I murder my own baby? Adoption - no I could never do it. It's funny how after nine months a person could develop an attachment with someone who hasn't been born yet, I know they do background checks ,but I don't think I could hand over my child to strangers, what if they trick them and the background checks are fake, and I put my child's life in danger?"  
She rolled onto her side, facing Castle. He looked so worried, she reached out and gently touched his face, smoothing out the worry lines that creased his forehead. She didn't know what to do, she didn't want to keep this to herself, but he said he didn't think they could have a family right now. She rolled back onto her back, staring up at the ceiling.

What was she going to do?

**yes yes I know another pregnancy fic but I love pregnancy fics and I love writing them**


	12. September

(Kate's POV)  
I looked in mirror and realized that I was starting to show, I had to tell him soon right? It had been a whole month of awkwardness.

(Ricks POV)

The publisher looking was not going so great. There's nothing I loved more than getting rejected over and over again, it seemed they all want the same thing from me, to become a playboy, which was not happening in a million years.

"Kate? Kate where are you?" He called stepping into his room.  
"Uh, I'm coming." She wrapped herself up in her white robe and walked out of the bathroom, meeting him in his bedroom.  
He smiled when he saw her, "Hey love," he said wrapping one arm around her waist and kissing her, "everything alright?"  
She nodded, trying not to meet his eyes, "Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"  
He leaned back to look at her carefully, "You're going to the bathroom a lot recently."  
Of course he'd notice.

She figured she would have to tell him now. She felt guilty for leaving him in the dark about this, she couldn't keep it to herself anymore.  
She stepped away from him, "Alright, well I guess I can't hide it anymore."  
He tilted his head to the side looking confused, "Can't hide what? Kate what's going on?"  
She bit her lip, preparing for his reaction when she told him. She didn't know how he would take the news or how he would take not being told immediately. She took a deep breath.

"I'm three months." She blurted out before she could stop herself.  
He still looked confused, "Three months what sweetie?"  
She stepped into him, wrapping her arms around his waist, "Pregnant. I'm so sorry."  
He remained silent for a while, just staring at her.  
She could hear her heart beat in her chest, waiting for a reaction from him, any reaction at all would be good right now.  
Then he slapped his hand against his head, "Oh I'm such an idiot, I walk in and start talking about the future and how we might not be able to have one child due to money and you were - oh I'm so sorry love." He rushed, sounding extremely apologetic.  
She rested her head against his chest, running her hands up and down his back, "What do we do Rick? I want to keep our baby."  
"LA." He said suddenly.

She leaned back, staring at him, "What about it?"  
"I have a friend up there that could help us." He told her, "He wants to open a publishing business in New York and I could ask him if he would take me."  
"Are you sure?" She asked.  
He nodded and pulled her tighter against him, "Yes, I'll travel up to L.A, you can come up with me."

She smiled, she couldn't, she was working and trying to get back the trust of her friends.  
"I would love to but I can't."  
He nodded in understanding, "Okay will you be alright here by yourself?"  
She bit the inside of her cheek, not entirely sure how she would feel being without him, "How long will you be gone?"  
"About a week." He told her.  
She didn't even want to be that long without him, but he was supportive of her and now she had to be supportive of him and let him go and do what he needs to do. At this point, this baby was hers and his first priority and everything they did now was with that in mind.  
So she nodded, "Yeah I'll be fine."  
He smiled, kissing her lips softly, "Okay, don't overwork yourself with paperwork."  
She laughed at that, thumping his chest playfully, "I promise."

She walked into the precinct, hands full of goodies, hoping maybe to get even just a bit on the good side of her partners. She was tired of the not talking and tension, it was driving her crazy and she was wanted her friends back.  
"Peace offerings," Kate said holding up coffee for Espo and Ryan.  
Ryan looked over at Esposito, who narrowed his eyes and turned towards Kate. She hoped for the best, but mentally she prepared for the worst.  
"Did you bring bear claws?" Espo asked her after a moment. A wave of relief ran through Kate and Ryan.

She smiled, holding up the bag she held in her other hand, "Of course."  
Esposito and Ryan stood and came over to her, he took the bag from her and dug in immediately, handing the bag to Ryan.  
"I guess I could forgive you." Espo said with a mouth full of bear claw, "but I'm still mad at you." He swallowed.  
She nodded, she could deal with mad, it was the not talking she couldn't stand. Mad means there were some feelings still there and they could work up from that. She considered this a victory.

"I understand that." She nodded, "What about you Ryan?" She asked Ryan who had remained silent throughout all this.  
He smiled wide, a smile she had missed while she was gone, "Bring it in here," Ryan said, arms open for a hug. Kate smiled and hugged him.  
"Careful don't squish me. You squish me, you squish my baby." She told them, pulling back and biting her lip, waiting …  
"Sorry Beckett, it's just good to have you back" Ryan grinned, but then the smile fell off of his face. Ryan and Esposito looked at each other and then back to Kate, a shocked expression on both of their faces.  
"Hang on—" Ryan started,  
"Wait –" Esposito came in at the same time.  
"Did you say baby?"  
She grinned and nodded, unable to hold in her excitement anymore, "Yes boys, that's right, me and Rick are going to have a baby." She told them, glad to be able to share the news now.  
Ryan grinned, "That's great news!" both said at the same time, hugging her again as a team again.  
Yea, definitely a victory.


	13. october

"Hey Lanie." She said walking into the morgue.  
The medical examiner looked up from her notes to see Kate standing in the middle of the room, "Hey, you're back."  
Kate took the lack of hostility in her voice as an invitation to step closer, "Yeah, I was feeling a bit sick." She told her.  
Lanie nodded, "Did you get that flu that's going around?" She asked, looking Kate over.  
Kate shook her head, deciding to tell her the truth, "No, the thing is Lanie - I'm pregnant." She blurted out.  
Lanie was quiet for a moment, regarding Kate, "For who?" She pressed and then rolled her eyes, "Please tell me it's not that Rogan guy."  
Kate sighed and shifted her weight to her other leg, "Lanie for the hundredth time nothing happened with Rogan."  
Lanie put her hands up in the air defensively, "Okay, whatever you say." She paused, "So who is the father?"  
"My boyfriend, Richard Castle." Kate told her.  
"You mean the guy with the niece?"  
"Yeah."

Lanie was thoughtful for a moment, "How did his niece take it?"  
"She doesn't know, we haven't see her for a month."  
"What happened to her?" Lanie asked, sounding genuinely concerned.  
She shrugged, shifting her eyes from Lanie to her finger as she trailed it over the cool slab of metal, "His bother and ex-wife got back together, because she's pregnant."  
"Geez." Lanie said, sounding slightly offended and mostly disgusted.  
The room was quiet until Lanie spoke, "Um I haven't got anything for you."  
Kate knew Lanie hadn't called for her, but she still felt like coming down and trying again to get on Lanie's better side. She was her best friend and she was going to need her throughout this pregnancy, so she would keep trying. "Oh okay."  
"Espo told me that he and Ryan forgave you." She said quietly.  
Kate nodded, looking up to Lanie, "Yeah they did, the other day."  
"Espo told me to give you a chance." She spoke again.

Even though she wanted Lanie to come around on her own and not be told to take her back, she was glad for Esposito's intervention and she would take it.  
"Really?"

She nodded, resting her forearms against her desk, "Yes, he told me the other night."  
"Did you guys get together?" She asked, wondering just how much she had missed as her stunt as a drug addict.

Lanie pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes, looking as if she was deciding what to say next, "We're getting married." She said after a while.  
"Oh my god Lanie that's great!" Kate smiled, wanting to go over to her and pull her into a tight hug, but she was aware that that would not be best for this struggling relationship, so she remained where she was.  
Lanie smiled, the first smile since she walked into the morgue, "I was going to invite you Kate but -"

Kate dropped her head, "Espo didn't want me there." She finished.  
"But I'm sure he wants you there now. You and Rick could come." She continued quickly.  
Kate raised her head, "When is it?"  
"Next Tuesday." Lanie grinned.  
Kate couldn't wait for the normalcy to return to the two of them. They were like sisters and if it hadn't been for Kate's stupid mistake, she was sure she would even be her maid of honour, but right now, she would settle for just being invited.  
"Rick should be back by then." She said, mostly to herself.  
"Where is he?" She asked  
"In LA, looking for publishers". She told her.

Another few minutes were spent in the morgue, discussing the wedding. Kate couldn't be happier for those two, they had spent so long dancing around each other, avoiding the commitment they both wanted to make. But then Lanie had to get back to work, so Kate left, it was late enough so she drove back to the loft and settled in for the rest of the evening.

After five hours, Rick touched down in L.A., he drove to Bel-air and the gates opened right away when he drove up.  
"Ricky!" A man came from the large house with a huge smile on his face and pulled him in for a hug.  
"Hey JJ." Castle grinned, returning the hug.  
"Where's that girlfriend of yours? Or are you making her up?" JJ grinned, looking around.  
"Kate had work in New York to do." Castle informed him.  
He nodded, patting Castle on the back, "Oh I see, well it's nice to see you. What brings you here?"  
"Well I came up for a favour." He began slowly.  
"Name it."

"You know that publishing company you were starting up?"  
JJ nodded, "Yes, I'm moving to New York soon."  
Castle hesitated, "Would you be able to take me?"  
JJ turned to him, looking confused, "I thought you were with Black Pawn?"  
Castle shook his head, feeling slightly angry at the mention of the company, "That didn't work out, I need a new publisher. My girlfriend and I are having a baby."  
JJ nodded and began walking again, "Come in, I'm sure we will we work something out."  
Shortly after, Ricky and Jackson were walking on the beach catching up.  
"So how far along is your girlfriend?" He asked.

"She will be four months next week." He told him, feeling proud of Kate and how far she'd come and how lucky he was to have her and now they were having a baby soon. Speaking of Kate, it had been a while and he needed to hear her voice before she went to sleep, he'd call her when they got back to the house.  
Jackson was quiet for a moment, before turning to him, "Alright, I'll help you out."  
Castle grinned, "Thank you so much!"  
Jackson shrugged, waving his hand, "We start on Friday and I want two chapters." He said, sounding business like and serious.  
Castle nodded, "Got it boss."


	14. November

**hey,my sister started a fanfiction page with one story so please check it out her pen name is,Kbeckettcastle_always.**

"Kate, I'm home!" He called out as he entered the loft.  
Kate appeared from the office, practically running to meet him with a huge grin on her face. It hadn't been too long, but man did she miss him and looking at her now, he was struck with how much he actually missed her.

"Hey babe," Kate smiled, greeting him with a hug and kiss.  
He rested his hands on her hips and took a step back to look at her, his eyes raking over her form appreciatively, his eyes full of love, "wow?" He breathed.  
She wrapped her arms around his neck and tilted her head, "What?"  
"The baby has grown so much since I have left." He said with admiration, staring between her baby bump and her bright eyes.

She couldn't resist that grin on his face and tipped up on her toes to press another kiss to his lips, not getting enough from the first kiss. His arms tightened around her waist, holding her as close to him as her belly would allow.

She broke away, breathing heavily, as much as she wanted to have her way with him right here.

"How did LA go?" She asked, resting her forehead against his.  
"Good," He answered, pressing a light kiss to her forehead, "he wants two chapters next Monday, but I already wrote them on the plane."  
She nodded, aware of how quickly he could write when he wanted to and now she would have more time with him.

She looked up at him, remembering the weird visit she got from Ryan and Esposito a few days back, "I know you called Ryan and Espo."  
He didn't even look guilty.

"Well I wanted someone to make sure you ate and slept, because I don't want anything to happen to you or the baby."

He sounded so serious and full of love and concern, she couldn't even pretend to be mad with him and it made her happy that Ryan and Esposito cared enough to check up on her, even if it was just because he asked them to.

"Castle that's so sweet," Kate said quietly, kissing his cheek.  
He leaned back to look in her eyes, wanting to make sure she understood just how much she and this baby meant to him, "I mean it Kate, I really care about you."

She searched his eyes, for some reason waiting to see if there was any doubt or regret, but naturally there wasn't and the worry she didn't know she had melted away as she mantled against him. "I know, it feels good to feel cared about." She sighed into his shirt.  
"You've come so far Kate and I'm so proud of you." He continued.

She stepped back and shook her head, staring down at the ground, "I'm not too proud of myself." She admitted.

He tilted his head, watching her carefully, "Why what happened?"  
He couldn't help the first thought that popped into his head. Was she back on drugs? She didn't look like it, didn't have that look she had so long ago.

No, she wasn't back on drugs. How could he ever think that? He shook his head slightly to rid himself of the thought and inwardly kicked himself for even thinking about it. Not her. Not his Kate. Not after how far she'd come and certainly not when she had another life to carry and care about.

He waited her out, until she lifted her head and her eyes shyly met his.  
"What are we going to tell our kid when they ask us how we first met?" She asked, wrapping her arms around her body, sounding and looking so small and dejected.  
Oh Kate.

"And there's no way we can hide it, it's in old newspapers. What if they get picked on? What about your image Rick?" She went on, sounding even more panicked as she went on.

He watched her as she spoke, she looked so tired and afraid and he couldn't bear it anymore, he reached out and pulled her against him, holding her there, pressing a kiss to her head.

"You want to know what I love about kids?" He asked, not really wanting an answer, "They don't judge, they're still so fresh to the world. The rarely see the bad, only the good." He finished.  
She clutched his shirt,"You think so?"  
He smiled,"Yeah"

They fell silent for a moment and then he was hit with the sudden realization that this was it. This was the woman in his arms that that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. He was in love with her, so completely in love with her and she was pregnant with his child. He was going to settle down with her, start a family with her and it didn't need a big celebration to say it, or ask it. This was all they needed, the two – or three – of them and their love. That was all they would ever need.

"Kate, while I was in L.A, I was thinking about something." He spoke into the silence.  
"What was it?" She asked from his chest.  
"Where we stand." He said.  
She leaned back, a hint of fear in her eyes, "I have been thinking about it too." She told him, almost sounding fearful, as if she was waiting on the worst to happen. After all this time, she was still so unsure, that had to be fixed and now.

He took a deep breath and spoke, "As a teen I pictured my future with a townhouse in New York and wife and kids. I was left puzzled when my brother had got all that instead of me, and then that's when I lost all hope, but then I met you and I realized, I didn't want all of that Kate, I mean I'm glad with what I have now, but what I want was you, what I will always want is you. If I could have you for the rest of my life, that would be all I need. I love you so much Kate," Then he placed his hand on her stomach, "I love both of you so much."

Her eyes were filled with tears as he sunk down to his knee and held her hands, "So Kate would you be my one done? Will you marry?" He asked as he pulled a small black box from his jacket.


End file.
